I just have to jump.
This little spot in the online galaxy has been silent for a long time. Too long.
Reality is that I haven’t felt like I’ve had anything to say. Honestly, I don’t feel like I have much to say now. But that isn’t going to change if I don’t just jump back in.
The harsh, it’s-where-I-am truth is that I’m struggling with some trust issues right now. God hasn’t responded in a way that reflected who I thought He was. Shame covers me as I type the words. My heart is surrounded by sky-high walls. I trusted Him to stand up to my darkness, my searing vulnerability. I didn’t feel anything other than pain.
God is at work, I know. I see Him caring for me and redeeming those around me in a way that is only Him. What I long for though is HIs comfort. I want His peace and joy and rest. I want Him, not just His good and perfect will.
Today starts my sabbatical from work. Four weeks to sit and ask. Four weeks to dig back into my darkness without having to find the energy to put on work clothes in the morning.
Four weeks dedicated to processing. I have to starting writing.
Will you jump back in with me?
A Crazy Beautiful Life 
I’m in.
Your post reminds me of a post I once wrote about squirrels. They make those crazy-serious jumps from tree to tree or limb to roof. Yet you rarely see a dead squirrel. Why don’t more of them die, plunging to their deaths as they cross those impossible chasms? And why don’t they freak out just before they jump?
Good on you for playing squirrel with this jump. As you know, I’m making my own jump at the same time as you (not nearly as courageous, maybe, but I’m scared!!)