This past weekend, Gavin’s flag football team won their league championship. It was awesome. (And I promise this post isn’t entirely about football!)

The same group of boys had been playing together for two seasons, and each one of them had their role down. Bryce could sack a quarterback like the best of them. Declan’s hands to grab flags and catch footballs were unmatched. Nick threw beeline passes. And Gavin, he did a little bit of everything. A touchdown catch, an extra-points catch and a critical interception. Our little man was the MVP of the game. He thrived on the field.

Cody and I were filled with pride. Beyond filled. We were giddy for him. And that got me thinking. About how I wonder if God gets giddy when He sees us thriving. . .

I think He does. I think God gets giddy for us.

Watching Gavin play, my mommy’s heart recognizes one of the things he was made for was to play football. He loves it. He’s good at it. It brings him incredible joy and a sense of true masculinity in the heat of competition. He has what it takes to do it well.

And what about me? I love for Gavin that he knows such an experience. In what area of my life do I thrive? What brings me joy? What makes me feel the “rightness” of my femininity?

I don’t know right now.

Before we left Italy, I would say I was thriving. I knew the pleasure of being in the right place. But since then, I have floundered. I have battled. My head has spun and my heart has sank. So where do I go from here?

As a parent, if I saw Gavin struggling like I have been, my heart would be breaking for him. Just as I think God has grieved my loss with me.

But I wouldn’t want him to stay there. I would want him to learn from his struggle and move again toward being in the place where the fullness of God’s glory flows freely. Easily. Right now, I want that for me. I want to thrive again.

My knees buckle in desperation to hear my Father speak to me. I long to hear the plans He has for me. “Plans to prosper me and not to harm me. To give me hope and a future.”

Let me hear you, Father! Let me know your heart and giddiness over watching me thrive.